People who are much loved are often easy to forgive others for their faults and mistakes, and tolerate their faults and wrongs. People who suffer a lot of hate often cannot forgive others for their faults and cannot tolerate their shortcomings. While attacking others, they are also good at self-torture.
One day I saw porcelain bottles and cans stacked on the street stalls, and one of them was obviously deformed. Curiosity prompted me to take a closer look at it and ask the seller how the porcelain cans deform. After listening to the seller's explanation, there was a process in the original ceramic manufacturing process called drawing embryos. When drawing embryos, the ceramics were still soft and easy to shape into various shapes. Once made, the fired porcelain is shaped and its shape can no longer be changed.
When we got up and left, we thought about it, isn't that the formation of personality? When we were in childhood, just like the embryo of this ceramic, we need both hands to support, shape, care and educate. If you have more negative criticisms, accusations, negatives than positive compliments, encouragement and affirmations during your childhood, then when you grow up, your personality will be less sound and complete than this porcelain, and even cause psychological distortions. Psychological disorders, etc.
In childhood, our psychology is the most insecure period, and we need to know ourselves through the evaluation of others. Especially the parents in the family, if the parents complain more than grateful, criticize more than encourage, deny more than positive people. Then the child will gradually develop a personality similar to that of his parents, and have a low self-evaluation and a sense of inferiority. This has a great negative impact on children's adulthood when they enter the society, causing various psychological obstacles such as social phobia, negative pessimism in life, or excessive inferiority or self-esteem.
Conversely, if parents have more positive than negative opinions about their child, for example, when a child wakes up, the parent always dresses him, and one day consciously gets up to get dressed, but the buttons of the clothes are misplaced. At this time, if the parents give encouragement and affirmation: my baby is really smart and will wear clothes by himself, but the buttons on the clothes should be so buckled, I believe my baby will remember. Then the child has established self-confidence, and the more affirmation they receive in these common words and behaviors, the more positive the child's attitude towards the world will be. On the contrary, if the parents give negative and criticism: why are you so stupid, you have wrongly buckled your clothes, so that you do n’t want to wear clothes and just do n’t listen. Imagine whoever is born will have everything. When parents give criticism or negation when the child does the first thing, the child will give up trying to do it, and the self-awareness will become negative and inferior .
To love children and loved ones, you must know how to appreciate each other's strengths, and complaining, criticizing, and blaming can make withdrawals to each other's emotional accounts. Only gratitude, encouragement, and affirmation can make emotional account deposits. Love is not to force or transform each other in a self-righteous manner, but to take care of each other's emotions and feelings, and to give support, encouragement, affirmation and appreciation. Love is to let the other person be yourself. The best way you can give is to listen, not to satisfy your wishes in the name of "love".