I also hate myself because I am extremely selfish, suspicious, and jealous. I don't like dad or mom. The person I like is just a girl I just met recently. Although I just met, I am sure she is the one I will always like. In a cold world for me, I want to get warm feelings. Falling in love with her is the happiest thing, and I have no doubt about it.
However, I was not qualified to like her. People like me are not worthy of anyone. What should I do? I feel helpless ...
It was drizzling in the afternoon on Sunday, and in the evening it became drizzle. The umbrella that I brought was blown off by the wind. I wanted to throw away the broken umbrella but then there would be no rain gear. So I walked in the rain holding this umbrella that was about to fall apart. I'm going to find her. She lives far away from my house, so I take a bus ...
I called her at the door of her house, "That, An An, I'm downstairs ..."
"Oh? What are you doing in such a heavy rain ..."
"Nothing, I just want to see you. Then, can I come up?"
"Oh ... oh then you come up."
Putting the phone in the bag, I found myself wet. I'm really in trouble. She would definitely find it difficult to go to someone else's house like this. So wet ... I walked down the corridor and took off my coat, squeezing out part of the water. Her home is on the fourth floor, and it only takes me a minute to walk up ... well, I think, if her home is on the 400th floor, I might still expect that some of the water in my clothes would evaporate during the walk, making me uncomfortable. So wet ...
I was standing in front of her house, very embarrassed, An An opened the door and saw me like this, surprised, "Are you ... without an umbrella?"
"The umbrella is broken," I said, "thrown by the road."
"Well, would you like to take a bath at my house ..." An An said, "Come in."
"No. I will stain your house if I come in. I just want to ... want to say something to you." Standing in front of her house, I took up courage ... Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't have the courage to say the wrong thing I just asked her timidly, "An'an, I like you, I ... we, can you be lovers?"
"Ah?" An An's first reaction was shocked, she didn't speak for a long time. The second reaction ... She smiled embarrassedly, as I expected, "this, no way."
It really deserves a person I like! I was so angry after being exposed to such a sudden and rude confession, still smiling, very cultivating look ... Damn, I like her more. That ’s it, that ’s it, what I like is the girl in front of me. In any case, you ca n’t let her like me, this world is hell to me ... My love, the person I like, you also Must like me.
The thought was burning in my heart. Although my body is full of water, if the flame in my heart can turn into a real flame, then drying this water is a piece of cake. The reason why I am still wet is because the fire in my mind cannot reach reality.
Although I was in a bad mood, I was not depressed. I looked into her eyes and asked, "So ... I still have a chance? I mean, is there a 100% chance that you like me?"
"I think it should be one percent. But that is a very small possibility." An An narrowed her eyes. I said, "It doesn't matter, as long as there is a one percent chance I will ..."
"If you mean that you will still like me, then I change the answer just now. I will not like you. Because I am not gay and I do not want to be gay." An An said so.
I was hit. But I told myself, I just like that honest An An ... And what she likes me is far more than just an honest one.
Where should I go?
Standing downstairs from the An'an house, I stared blankly at this stormy world. What my eyes can see is the whole world. Even if it doesn't rain, the sky is clear, all I can see is just such bad weather. Well, it's no different ...
So I went home in the rain. I wanted to take a bus, but the driver got kicked off when I got off the bus, saying that I had stained his car. It's troublesome ... too much trouble, I ... I'm exhausted when I go home. Back at my home, I took a bath and threw all wet clothes into the washing machine.
Lying on the bed with a bath towel, my mood changed from bad to bad ... Although I don't know if the Chinese teacher thinks bad is worse than bad ... like me, that's how I think. Bad mood, fickle me, I was thinking, I want to save my love, I want to save myself, never let myself live in hell. Because my life really has nothing ... My only hope lies in An An. Right, that is it. If she likes me, then nothing will happen. I will return to my paradise. As long as there is love, nothing is lost ...
I mentioned earlier that An An is a girl I just met recently. She and I met because of working relationship. I'm a psychological counselor. An'an came to me for psychological counseling. It can be said that the act of pursuing one's own patients is a bit lost in professional ethics. However, I don't want to care about professional ethics ... By the way, I was originally an unethical person. I'm pretty sure that morality will restrain me and make me feel miserable. If I just think "this is wrong", "this will hurt others", "people ca n’t live only for themselves" ... then I will become very anxious . Actually I did that for a while. So then I became selfish. To be precise, I have always been selfish and had a serious mental illness. I just tried to pretend to be very moral. I'm letting the hypocrisy me go now. Yes, I showed my true side and feel better than before.
Now I am a completely real selfish person.
Selfish people also suffer ... but ... selfish people have more options ...
Monday ... the day after Sunday, the rain stopped, and the air was full of pleasant water. Smell the water and my heart became clearer.
I quit my job so I can do more of my favorite things at home. Go to his psychological counseling! Those people's psychological problems have not been serious to me, and actually asked me and Yan Yue to help them worry and solve problems, it's too much! What I like to do absolutely does not include work. So I quit my job. Actually, I'm planning to do a bad thing now, well, it's really a bad thing.
I wanted to enter An'an's house and forcibly capture something from her. Well, I don't know if that word can be typed so I wrote it that way. You see ...