After a moment of dizziness, all I have left is your smile and a sea of red.
The nasal potion is silent, all the cold instruments are sounding so simple but the evidence that you still exist
Fingers on the cold silver ring tighten your smile then
Why say such cruel words
Always obedient, I shook my head and could n’t forgive you for leaving me alone. I ca n’t forgive you for leaving me to live in a world without you.
I will not live happily because that is your wish, so I will never let it come true
You smile hard and close your eyes
"Oh !!" He woke up from the bed, his hoarse cry echoing in the dead room.
Lying on the bed, Luo Fangcheng stared at the white ceiling. The right hand stranded in the air slowly covered his forehead. He closed his eyes again, self-deprecating laughter overflowing from his lips, and cold sweat slipped down his skin.
How long do I have to dream this dream again?
Like a crying wry smile, he grabbed the brown hair scattered on the pillow and slowly got up. One turned over, Luo Fangcheng turned on the table lamp next to the bed, and searched for the alarm clock with the other hand.
At five o'clock, it's still early.
Looking at the alarm clock, he jumped out of bed, after a brief grooming, lifted a suitcase to open the door, and bid farewell to the apartment that had lived for several years.
I'm going back to where you are.
Just yesterday, his last game lost. He has not lost any games since that day, but just yesterday he lost. As long as he won that match, his slam record was reached, but he lost. Obviously everything went so smoothly. Until the final tiebreak, they still prevailed and lost.
Sitting on a taxi, the streets of New York flickered in front of Luo Fangcheng's eyes. Even though he has lived here for several years, he still feels strange to these everyday sights.
This is not your place. So, where does it belong?
The question came from the bottom of his heart, pulling out his helpless smile.
Nowhere, no matter where it is, it is not a place where you can go.
"Thank you." Luo Fangcheng thanked the driver in fluent English, took the luggage, looked up at the huge airport in front of him.
How many years ago did you stand here alone?
But compared to that time, many things are different. His original purpose has disappeared.
It was Luo Fangcheng's silent protest against the last wish of the uncle who left him. Or, it is revenge.
The day Nan Nan left, he sat by his bed, wearing the ring he gave him, which was a quadrennial birthday present.
Luo Fangcheng walked into the airport and sat in the chair in the waiting room after checking in. He watched quietly the sky that started to light up.
That morning ... it was so peaceful. Closing his eyes, he slowly sinks into dreamland, and in the dream, the scene of that day jumps into Luo Fangcheng's mind again. Such a painful dream, turning in the reality that cannot be broken away, day after day, he must endure the pain once a day.
Alas, is this what you want? I am in pain, do you know?
It seems as if it happened for a long time, but for Luo Fangcheng, all his time has been frozen for that period of time and space, and he has not taken any step forward.
It seems that the death of the southern cricket was just yesterday, and it was so vivid and bloody engraved on his memory.
Two days before the departure of the Southern Falcon, a silent telephone ringing in the evening ruined Luo Fangcheng's supposedly happy life.
He answered the phone, and there was a worried voice from his friend Xu Qi. Two words later, the microphone fell to the ground from Luo Fangcheng's loose hands.
There was a car accident, and now he is in the emergency room. The voice on the phone was also trembling, Vivino.
The heavy rain poured, and regardless of the wet clothes on his body, Luo Fangcheng rushed into the hospital. It was the first time everyone saw and calm and calm Luo Fangcheng lost control.
The chaotic hospital, the in and out of the medical staff, secretly crying unknown everywhere.
From the half-covered door, Luo Fangcheng saw the southern salamander lying on the operating table, and blood was flowing everywhere he could see.
He burst into tears and shouted, holding Xu Fangcheng and his party together, they could only desperately stop him who wanted to rush into the operating room.
Let me in. I want to be by his side. Can't you all hear him? He's calling me ... The overflowing tears are a kind of silent sound, and after the scream of Zhang Da's mouth, only husky remains.
Xu Qi frowned and remained silent. For the first time, there is something in this world that can make Luo Fangcheng so crazy.
Nan Fang, their high school classmate, Luo Fangcheng's lover.
On the day they graduated from high school, they managed to confirm each other's wishes. Just made an agreement, since then two people have to live together.
Happy days, even less than a month. The happiness he held in his hands, why did it disappear so quickly?
"Excuse me ... is anyone called ... Clarence?" A crying cry, a nurse in white out of the operating room, watching Luo Fangcheng and his party, Nana opened his mouth. All the people stopped their voices, looked at the nurse in unison, and then turned to Luo Fangcheng.
That is his English name.
"I am ..." Luo Fangcheng stepped forward, taking a small bag from the nurse.
"This is what the patient has been holding in his hand ..." After receiving it, Luo Fangcheng opened the small bag in his hand and saw a card inside it, and a silver ring in a transparent box.
He slowly took out the sterling silver ring from the inside, and the inside of the elegant ring was engraved with the words "K to Clarence".
K, Kai, this is my name.
Eyes widened, Luo Fangcheng quickly took it out and put it in a small bag, and the white simple card. He squeezed the card with trembling and slowly opened it-the right handwriting on the south appeared on it.
Happy Birthday, Dear Clarence.
A simple line of words, the edge of the white card, still stained with light red-brown blood, quietly fell from Luo Fangcheng's hand to the ground.
With no more tears to control, he held the ring with his name engraved on it, his feet softened, and he fell to the ground.
That was the one he had accidentally held in his hands when the two passed the jewelry store a few months ago.
The cry was no longer expressed. All the people who stood by knew.
He doesn't want gifts or blessings. He just wants that person to be by his side. Obviously, just such a small wish.
The people standing behind looked at the busy scene of entering and leaving the operating room and couldn't say a word.
If you can, don't treat them like this. If possible, please make them happy. If you can, don't just separate after letting them meet.
That is more than never encountering each other's pain. How can the two souls that have been fused with each other cut off again? The heartbreaking pain, how to bear it?
It's heartbreaking enough to go crazy.
February 29th. Luo Fangcheng sat by the edge of the white bed, watching the nurse tearing off the calendar on the wall. Today is his birthday and the second day of coma.
Looking at the lover with her eyes closed in bed, Luo Fangcheng's mind was full of the scenes, screams, and tears of those fragments two days ago.
Since that night, he has been in the hospital with the Southern Falcon, a right that was only obtained after his constant requests.
Picking up the apples in the bamboo basket, he skillfully peeled the peels around with a fruit knife. The silver light on the index finger of his left hand suddenly caught his eye. Luo Fangcheng smiled quietly, the movement of his hands could not help but stop. The ring with his name engraved on the inside is a quadrennial birthday present given to him by the loved one. Today is his birthday.
He believed that He would wake up, definitely. Then spend his birthday with him.
He wanted to tell him how scared and disturbed he was during this period of coma. He wanted to tell him how much he loved him and felt that it didn't matter if the whole world disappeared, as long as he was there.
I will wake up. Then kiss his lips again and say a word to him-sorry, I worry you.
Luo Fangcheng was convinced even if the doctor did not take good care of the situation. He promised himself that he wanted two people to live together, and they agreed.
Shaking his head, Luo Fangcheng put his mind back to the apple in his hand. But at the moment when he returned to God, the light in the corner of his eye let his knife fall with the uncut apple in his hand.
"聿 ... 聿?"
"It's great ... it seems appropriate ..."
At the moment of returning to his mind, Luo Fangcheng's eyes met the slowly opened eyes of the south. He was looking at the ring in his hand, and smiled slightly.
"You are awake ... Great, you are finally awake ... Ah, wait a minute, I am going to call a doctor right now!" "Excited Luo Fangcheng was very excited and said that he was about to go outside the ward, Suddenly caught by the southern puppet.
He turned his head back in doubt, but saw Nanjiu closed his eyes, frowned, and shook his head.
"No need ... it's not necessary ..."
"What do you mean ... 聿?" Unexpected fear rose from the bottom of his heart, and Luo Fangcheng's smile froze on his face.
"I'm sorry ... the agreement ... I can't keep it ..." Nanfang opened his eyes and watched Luo Fangcheng's trembling figure deeply.
It started to blur ... just a second, just let him take a closer look at Cheng ... If you must take his life ...
"You, what are you talking about? I'll call the doctor right away, you'll wait here ..." Luo Fangcheng couldn't say any more. Because he saw a serious look from the eyes of Nan Nan. His lips gradually turned pale, and he could not help loosening his hands.
"Don't lie ... human? Huh ...?" As if being fixed, Luo Fangcheng looked at Nanfang Luan stiffly, her body was stiff and could not move any inch of muscle.
"I'm sorry ... Fang Cheng ..." After a strenuous reply, the world in front of Nan Fang's eyes became darker and darker. The light emitted by Luo Fangcheng's ring was particularly prominent in his vision.
Sure enough ... it fits well on your hands.
"I don't want you to be sorry !!" Luo Fangcheng burst into a roar, leaned over and hugged the southern salamander, and the dry tears two days ago gathered in her eyes again.
"Please ... don't go ... don't go ... I don't want anything ... please, don't leave me ..."
One by one, the tears wet the collar of the southern badger. He raised his hand and stroked Luo Fangcheng's soft brown hair.
Soon after, will he be unable to hold Fang Cheng like he is now?
If he can, why don't he want to stay with Luo Fangcheng? Protect him and stop him from crying.
Unfortunately, the consciousness slowly dissipating from the bones of the limbs told him that it was impossible.
"Fang Cheng ... promise me, you will live well ..." Nanfang Yan said, but the brown head in his arms was desperately shaking his head.
"I don't, I don't! If you leave me, how could I be alive?" A flushed face and tears covered Luo Fangcheng's cold white skin.
However, the southern salamander is no longer visible. In the darkness, he could only use his last strength to show a helpless smile.
Fang Cheng ...
The heart finally stopped beating.
"聿? ... 聿? ... Southern 聿! ──"
Heart, all twisted into endless sadness at that moment.
He heard the sound of the world starting to crumble.
His birthday, his death date.
It should be the first birthday celebrated together, but he left forever. His smile, his tears.
Is it too cruel if you leave and ask me to live well?
You know very well that I have taken you as everything.
Later, Luo Fangcheng couldn't recall it anymore. Opening his eyes, he was awake from the dream.
7.30. It's just time to board. After finding his place, Luo Fangcheng ordered a cup of coffee with the stewardess. During his return to Japan, he didn't want to dream anymore.
Every day, every day, the same dream is tormenting his spirit. Without a firm belief, normal people would have collapsed.
As Luo Fangcheng himself said, he would not live happily on his own. Since that day, he has made up his mind.
After entering college, he put away his favorite paintbrush, resolutely joined the tennis department again, and studied deeper skills day and night.
Luo Fangcheng, who originally had talented qualifications, combined with hard practice, easily entered the national competition all the way, won the championship, then was snatched to the tennis department of a well-known university in the United States, and then slowly began his professional tennis career.
He also left his sadness.
Soon, Luo Fangcheng won all the tennis players from all over the world, and finally came to the dream Grand Slam of all tennis players, but he lost in the last match.
The opponent is a schoolboy who was comparable to himself at the time.
Originally, he had always had a slight advantage. Although the opponent had been following closely, until the final tie-break, the situation was still favorable for Luo Fangcheng.
Just when that ball decided to serve, Luo Fangcheng held up the ball in his hand and looked up at the dazzling sunlight, but his body was suddenly stunned by something.
He looked at the small green ball that fell in front of the net in disbelief, and the opponents looked more surprised than he was. A lot of noises such as cheers and sighs burst out of the court, but they didn't get into Luo Fangcheng's ears.
Luo Fangcheng looked up and looked at the dazzling sunlight. Why, at this time, think of the last smile of the southern magpie?
Is it you? Are you punishing me for treating yourself like that? So, did I lose this game?
Looking at the small square window, Luo Fangcheng frowned slightly.
Because I said something like that, did you punish me like this? With a bitter smile, Luo Fangcheng closed her eyes and sighed.
From the beginning, he was intentional. Only in this way can he keep the South in mind.
It doesn't matter if this life-will never be happy.
This is Luo Fangcheng's little resistance to the departure of the southern puppet.
Because, knowing that you must not want to see me like this. So I deliberately do it this way, not why, just-this way will give me an illusion.
It's like, as long as you don't agree with your wish that you want me to live that day-you won't leave me.
So simple and stupid reason.
Gently, Luo Fang raised the coffee cup in his hand and shook the cup. This coffee is too light.
He wanted to sleep again.
The plane sailed smoothly in the air. Getting closer, the place where they met and separated them.
In the early morning, there were no pedestrians on the road. Luo Fangcheng walked alone on the empty street. Although he has not been back for a long time, he will never forget this way. Turning around a corner, the solemn temple is in sight.
Holding a bunch of elegant white flowers in his hand, Luo Fangcheng borrowed buckets and spoons from the people in the temple, carrying these things, and went to places where he hadn't been for years.
No matter how long he hasn't come, he won't forget, and that's why. Perhaps it should be said that he wanted to forget it.
The next day after the death of the southern cricket, the funeral was over-he burned down all the memories related to him. Forgot to return his dictionary, New Year's postcards, photos of two people and so on.
The only thing left was the silver ring with his name on his left index finger.
Only this ring he could not bear.
It has never been won since that day, whether it is sleeping, playing, or even after being woken up by nightmares.
He could only feel heartache despite seeing the cold silvery ring.
Because she is too sad, because she loves her too much, so she can't face these things.
Wouldn't it be better if you forgot it? If you forget it, you wouldn't be sad, wouldn't you understand that?
But he couldn't, he couldn't remove the ring from his hand, as if he had been the sweetest curse. That can't let him forget how much he missed him, this man named Nanfang.
This man who occupied Luo Fangcheng's entire life.
Step by step, Luo Fangcheng walked up the concrete stairs on the hill after the temple, lowered his head, as if pondering something.
"Isn't this ... Fang Cheng?" Suddenly, he heard his name. Luo Fangcheng looked up subconsciously, looking at the source of the sound.
"Uncle ... mother?" Is your mother. Nan's mother is standing in front of Luo Fangcheng, wearing an elegant black suit.
Unexpected circumstances, so that Luo Fangcheng did not know what to do. He first put down his hand and paid a slight respect to the other party.
"Sure enough, it's Fang Cheng. It's been a long time ..." The graceful manners, the good education of the southern aunt, originated from his mother. Luo Fangcheng is most fascinated by the elegant and mature posture of the southern magpie, each with his hands raised, with classic solemnity.
"Well ... it's really been a long time since I left, Aunt ..." After Fang Cheng left, Luo Fangcheng tried his best to avoid all the people, things and things related to Nanfang. He has never returned since he flew to the United States.
"Sure enough you are back ..."
"Huh?" Nan Fang's mother spoke suddenly, leaving Luo Fangcheng scratching her head.
What does it mean to be back? Why does Auntie say so?
"Today, it's the day of death of the uncle ..." Once every four years, the date of death of the southern uncle is also Luo Fangcheng's birthday.
Since then, Luo Fangcheng has no more birthdays. For him, it was not a day to celebrate.
"Yeah ..." He lowered his eyes, and the cool breeze of early spring and early morning was blowing Luo Fangcheng's soft brown hair.
"I think I'll be glad you came to see him." The woman moved forward and handed a thick book to Luo Fangcheng's eyes.
"What is this ..." Luo Fangcheng took out a hand and took the book. It was a dark, thick book with a digital lock on the right side of the book.
Looking back, I saw the woman smiling gently at Luo Fangcheng.
"That child has been waiting for you." There was grief and resentment in her eyes. The woman looked at Luo Fangcheng in front of her and sighed slightly.
What does this mean? Could it be said? ──
"Auntie, do you already know ..." Can't go on, Luo Fangcheng looked at the mother's clear eyes in the south, and most of her doubts had been removed.
"This is what we found when we organized the child's room. It should be a diary, but we can't unlock the password lock above. I think you may be the owner of this diary."
Laughing, the woman took the things on her hand, leaned over Luo Fangcheng, and left.
"Auntie, I ..." Luo Fangcheng turned around and stopped her unconsciously, but didn't know what to say.
The woman stopped and looked back, again showing that persevering smile.
"Take care of yourself, Fang Cheng. He will certainly say the same." Nodded, she turned and walked towards the temple, leaving Luo Fangcheng standing alone on the steps.
He put a heavy weight on his hand-did he even use such a formal book for his diary? Luo Fangcheng smiled bitterly, picked up the utensils on the ground, and walked toward the south tomb.
Black stone with the name of the southern salamander. Luo Fangcheng placed the flower and bucket gently on the ground, kneeling down on the floor, so that his sight was as high as the tombstone.
"How long haven't I seen you, eh?"
There was no response from the icy stones, which is of course.
Laughing at herself, Luo Fangcheng touched the tombstone with his left hand, stroke by stroke, stroke by stroke, depicting it in detail along the south.
The silver ring on his index finger reflected the sunlight and pierced his eyes.
Do you really exist here? Or should you ask, did you really exist? Without your voice, body temperature, and shape, can these things alone represent the evidence of your life?
Really, it's too real. How do you make people believe that-- Nan Nanyi, a man who once existed and once fell in love with Luo Fangcheng?
Picking up the black diary in his hand, Luo Fangcheng played with the code lock on it.
"Now, what's the password? ..." smiled and asked the black tombstone in front of him, his finger turning the number key on it.
One two three four? Isn't ... zero zero zero? It's not? Then, four zero three zero, your birthday ... Ah, isn't it?
An idea flashed into Luo Fangcheng's mind suddenly and suddenly, as if awakened by cold water, the nerves and consciousness all over his body were concentrated on the fingertips. Luo Fangcheng's shaking fingers suddenly turned out a set of numbers.
Then the iron code fell to the ground in chains.
Zero two two nine. He, Luo Fangcheng ... birthday.
Once every four years, the most special day of the year.
Once, he told him that it was the most special day of the year. Because there is only once every four years, it is a rare and precious day.
Shivering fingers opened the first page of the black diary, then the second page, the third page, ... Luo Fangcheng looked at those handwritings he was so familiar with, word by word, about them in high school Three years of memories.
It was about him and his story.
The journey home together,
Rainy season for him,
Performance of each match,
Holding hands for the first time,
The first time they remembered each other's body temperature--
Turning to the end, a photo suddenly slipped off the page. Luo Fangcheng reached out to pick up the fallen photo, and turned to look at the front.
Tears always come without warning.
That was the day of graduation, and he asked Xu Qi to take a photo of them both.
That was also the last picture he had closed his eyes and shivered into the flames.
In the world, there are only the Southern crickets and the two that they have burned.
"Oh ..." Missing thoughts like the waves hitting, I couldn't help but be sad, and the cry again came out of Luo Fangcheng's dry body.
After that day, he thought his tears had dried up.
Alas, your last smile, I finally understand.
It turned out that you never left. I have never left my side or my heart. You know, even if you leave--
I will not forget that you once held my warmth.
"If you see me now, would you call me a fool? ¡§ ..." Weakly smiled, tears kept falling on Luo Fangcheng's cheeks, and severe retching came from the body, as well as a throbbing cough. Feeling extremely dizzy.
I would be so stupid, stupid enough to think you really left me.
sorry Sorry sorry……
Are you worried? Are you sad?
Sorry, sorry, really, sorry ...
The world will one day forget your existence, but I still live here.
When our story is not over, I will write it with you.
Even though everyone forgot, but I still remember.
The fact that you once existed, the memories of our love-as long as I am alive, it will not disappear.
In the afternoon, the sun slowly settled westward, and the sky began to gradually change from aqua blue to orange-red.
Luo Fangcheng stood at the gate of the kindergarten, and said goodbye to every parent who came to pick up the child home. He was surrounded by a light green apron, smiling quietly, as warm as the sunset now.
"Goodbye the teacher!" A little boy clutched his mother's clothes corner and said goodbye to Luo Fangcheng.
"Well, see you tomorrow!" He bent and waved, and nodded to the mother who turned to smile at him.
"Fang Cheng!" A call came from behind, and with the sound of a small broken step, Luo Fangcheng turned around and was almost thrown to the ground.
"Ah! Isn't this Xiaochun? And Xu Qi? Why are you here today?"
Xu Qi came to Luo Fangcheng's eyes, stretched out his hand and pulled Xiao Chun, who was holding Luo Fangcheng, and smiled softly to a friend who had not seen him for a long time.
"Just passing by this neighborhood, Xiaochun is noisy about to come." With a helpless smile, even Fang Cheng was smirked.
"It was so easy for Fang Cheng to come back! Of course I said I'd like to see something!" Xiaochun complained, "I didn't make a noise," and glared at Xu Qi with her cheeks.
"Hey, in fact, I made a special trip to see how you look like an aunt in an apron ... how unusually suitable ..." Xiaochun turned her eyes back to Luo Fangcheng, and looked up and down Luo Fangcheng's dress up and down.
Fit, fit, and fit are so terrible that people can't help but think of the man in front of the green apron who laughs and smiles with the talented tennis player Luo Fangcheng.
"Is this the case?" Luo Fangcheng took Xu Qi and Xiaochun into the garden, opened the sliding door of the classroom, but a little boy suddenly hit Luo Fangcheng. Fortunately, he responded immediately, holding the little boy firmly in his arms.
"What's wrong, run so fast?" Luo Fangcheng smiled softly at the little boy, and a piece of paper appeared in front of his eyes, blocking his vision.
"Look, teacher! This is the picture I drew today!" The pastel and watercolor sketches are roughly and brightly painted, with two figures like figures.
"The painting is really good, who is this?" Luo Fangcheng gently relaxed his arms and asked casually.
But the little boy who heard this question bowed his head shyly, scratched his hair, and embarrassedly replied, "Yes ... the girl I like! Teacher, do you like anyone?"
This question scared the two people behind Luo Fangcheng from perspiration.
It turned out that it wasn't just that he would ask such questions that shouldn't be asked? Xiaochun whispered in a volume that Luo Fangcheng couldn't hear, and said to Xu Qi, but in exchange for Xu Qi, "What do you compare to a five-year-old child? Smile.
The two of them secretly aimed at Luo Fangcheng with the light from the corners of their eyes, only to see his expression was surprised, and then thought for a while.
"Well, there is." A smile on the little boy bloomed, Luo Fangcheng patted the little boy's head, his eyes flew unconsciously to the sky outside the window.
"Really? What kind of person does the teacher like?" The little boy asked naively again, and Xiaochun stood aside. When she heard this, she smiled again happily, but was aside. Xu Qi knocked his head.
"Is he? ... Um ..." After thinking about it, Luo Fangcheng's left hand gently stroked his chest, and the corner of his mouth slightly raised.
"The teacher can't say it, but that's my most important person." With a smile, the ring in my hand exudes a slight silver light.
It was a beautiful smile, just like the blooming flowers after the summer rainy season.
"Okay, your mother is here to pick you up, pack up quickly!"
After sending the boy away, Luo Fangcheng turned around and was going to call Xu Qi and Xiaochun to come in, but they said that there was still work to be done. After the two and Luo Fangcheng were a little bitter, they left the kindergarten.
Walking on a path a little distance from the kindergarten, Xiaochun suddenly stopped.
"Xiaochun? ... What happened to Xiaochun?" Xu Qi, who felt that the person next to him suddenly disappeared, looked back, and saw Xiaochun standing in the middle of the road with tears on her face, scared. Xu Qi was caught off guard, and quickly took out a handkerchief to help his lover wipe.
"Xu Qi ... you can't leave me ..." Looking at Xu Qi with a worried look, Xiao Chun said this slowly.
He is not as strong as Luo Fangcheng. If the same thing happened to him, it would never be possible to show a beautiful smile like Luo Fangcheng.
Xu Qi stopped moving with a handkerchief and stared at Xiaochun, then pulled him into her arms and hugged.
"Hmm ..." Embracing each other, they took each other's hand and disappeared into the setting sun.
If it weren't for Southern Falcon and Luo Fangcheng, who could be strong enough to endure the pain of losing each other? If it weren't for the two of them, how could they live alone in the world without each other?
Whether it's left or gone,
Strong enough to face the cruel reality of losing happiness ─
It is no longer what they can imagine. Luo Fangcheng looked at the empty kindergarten, took the backpack aside, and unfastened the apron strap.
At the same time, the wallet on the table was accidentally pushed to the ground.
A photo, which hit the ground and was turned over, was still securely sandwiched in the transparent inner layer.
In the photo are Luo Fangcheng, who has a bright smile, and a calm southern salamander, who lean on each other's faces.
Luo Fangcheng picked up the wallet, patted the dust on it, looked at their group photo, and smiled.
Lips, gently pressed up.
do you know?
I live in a world without you--
In order that when everyone forgets you, I will remember you.
In the setting sun, the silver ring on Luo Fangcheng's left index finger exudes a soft halo.
"I'm doing fine now." Looking at the southern salamander in the photo, Luo Fangcheng smiled quietly.
I will go on and on.
In this world that has lost you, in order to fulfill your last wish ...
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